fake post for now until I have time to craft the epic doozie of a post that's been the past month

Today is my last day living in CT for potentially forever as yanno I graduated (WHAT?!!!) and don't have a job here. I don't really know how I feel about that as I just learned I definitely didn't get the job here at UConn yesterday so not much time to get closure yanno? I mean, I was never a huge fan of this state, or school because of it's size and "old boys club" bureacracy of an administration I've worked TOO closely with the last 2 years and has left a VERY bad taste in my mouth, but I absolutely adored my time in ACES, the relationships I built there with both my students and colleagues, the nature of my work, etc. Never did I ever dread going into work (aside from when I had to suffer with Ann's BS when I worked in the front office when I first started going there). Who knows. I think it ultimately is for the best, I REALLY feel like I need a big change, and according to all the cliches that's how you truly grow which it's rung true for me thus far. Hopefully that big change is in Vermont, if I don't get that job you don't want to be around me as I'll be miserable Martha with even less confidence than I currently have which is PRETTY FUCKING LOW.

Luckily I have amazing friends and family supporting me, encouraging me, pushing me, believing in me. Crissy has been absolutely incredible and affirming and just honest which I really need a good kick in the crotch of reality every now and then to stop having a pity party and beating myself up, and I can always rely on her for that. I'm going to miss her more than I know right now, as I have yet to get closure on that either as I've lived on her couch for the last week still holding onto hope that I'd get a job here and still have her in my life everyday. She still will be, through technological communication while we're at work, the phone, and both of our commitment to being road warriors, it will just be in a different way. In the meantime I'll keep myself busy on Long Island with the fam and my amazing 2 nieces (1 of which I cannot wait to meet) and live life on the edge and spend money I don't have to do things like go see Phish this Tuesday with Meg, Eddie, and Keith cuz WHY THE FUCK NOT! You only live once and I fully intend to live it right.

Alright, I gotta get ready for a wild weekend of introducing Mary to Tooker and Hannah and partaking in Saratoga shenanigans tonight, then seeing Cassie and Tim's new and improved home for her welcome home/housewarming party tomorrow.

For all those who read this who are in the same awkward life limbo as me right now I feel ya, same boat different paddle. Never in my life have I had to move on with NOTHING to move on to. It's a very weird feeling. Terrifying and a real ego killer. I'm not a fan. The end.